No no, taking my own life after I realize She-Hulk isn’t real is a good guess, but it’s not the right answer.
A while back at work after closing I needed to take some re-shop back. Most of it I didn’t have a problem with. Batman and G.I. Joe figures, no problem. Bratz dolls and plush cows, well I can figure it out. Dancing Elmo toys, just follow the taste of pure evil drifting through the air.
But then it came to me venturing into the juvenile section to find where some weird little fuzzy thing that hangs from a crib or car seat or something… I don’t know… I work in electronics! It’s not a video game. It can’t play MP3s! How the hell am I supposed to know where to put this?
So I roam from hall to aisle to aisle looking for the spot. As the minutes go by I start to realize I’ve been here before, and that I’ve just been roaming in circles. The shelves seem taller now, looming more and more/ The overhead lights shut down to low levels casting shadows upon me. And I find myself in the near dark still holding onto this thing as cardboard boxes with pictures of giggling babies surround me. A cold chill runs up my spine as fear starts to set in. But it’s got to go somewhere, so I head back in there, deeper into the aisles. Forever searching aimlessly, pleading with higher powers for a sign, or some clue as to where this thing goes.
And then I see myself lost to this dark world. Never to be seen again.
Old employees will tell future ones that on the cold nights you can still hear my pained mutters as I groan ‘…where… where the fuck does this go?’.
PS She Hulk is real right?